Taking on the role of caregiving requires wearing many different hats.
First, and foremost, you want to make sure your loved one is safe at all times whether its in their home or your home, a memory care facility or a skilled nursing facility. We want the best for our loved ones.
Second, we want to be able to have complete trust in any outside help such as sitters, home healthcare staff, certified nursing assistants, nurses and, yes, even doctors.
If your loved one is in hospice care whether it’s palliative or hospice there is usually an appointed person as their advocate. If they are solely in your care, you become their advocate. . .for everything.
I learned about being an advocate early-on with my Mother. From the time of becoming her Durable Power of Attorney to the time of hiring sitters 24/7.
Throughout the process of my caregiving I was constantly advocating for what was best and right for my Mother. I’ll admit, it’s not an easy task caregiving or advocating. Having to do both simultaneously can be draining and daunting. All I can recommend is to do your homework and talk to those in the healthcare field. Don’t hesitate to ask questions (nothing is too insignificant) of everyone, including the doctor in charge. Just because someone has the title of “doctor” or “nurse” doesn’t mean you can’t ask questions. This is your loved one you’re caring and advocating for. And PLEASE do not ever think your questions are stupid. There ARE NO stupid questions.
I understand that some people are not of the nature to buck the system so they do whatever they’re told. However, there are exceptions where a suggestion might not be in the best interest of your loved one. After all, who knows them as well as you do? So speak up and give your views and opinions.
A good example I have to share is a time when my mother’s agitation was escalating and her doctor kept adding medications to her regime all the while trying to impress upon me how “just a small dose” would take the edge off. I was trusting this doctor because, well, she was the doctor! I was adamant I didn’t want her over-medicated and the doctor assured me that would not happen. But, in fact, it did happen. She had to be admitted to a psyche ward to ween her off all medications and start fresh with what she really needed without having numerous drugs to settle her down. I can’t tell you the guilt I felt because I was her advocate, how did I let this happen?
There it is, that word guilt! No escaping that little culprit of a word when you’re a caregiver/advocate.
I trusted the doctor, but what I didn’t do was put my foot down and say “no more”. Even the psychriatrist was astounded by the number of drugs she was on just for agitation. After one week in the psyche ward, my mother was more alert and smiling and being herself. The medications changed her personality and made her more irritable rather than calm.
What I’m saying to all Caregivers/Advocates is be on your toes at all times. Ask “why” something is recommended or prescribed. Read up on side effects especially if a person has any kind of dementia. Some medications for agitation are not recommended for dementia patients and can cause serious problems, even death.
The other point I want to make here is never let a healthcare professional dismiss your concerns about your loved one because of “old age”. I can’t tell you how many times I heard that from various healthcare professionals. We’re all going to age, but that doesn’t mean to write off the elderly because they consider the health problem to being age related. There are many avenues to take in helping our aging population whether they have dementia or some other health problems. Step up and have the courage it takes to be the caregiver/advocate your loved one is counting on.